WEDDINGS

Weddings ( riép kaa , kaa, or apiépipié) are the most joyous, delightful, and (along with funerals ) the most extravagant and elaborate of all life cycle ceremonies. Until about 20 year ago. the festivities lasted for three days; at present the actual ceremonies the actual ceremonies have been cut to one and a half days to reduce both expenses and fatigue. But various preparation begin  long beforehand, and the expenditures. 

The date of the marriage is set by an achaa. Weddings may take place only during certain month. (These months are  Boh, Palkun, Asat, and Kadúk witch coincide rough with January, March, May the first part of July, and November ) and the exact day is determined by the horoscopes of the bridal couple that will dictate propitious or dangerous dates for marriage. For weeks prior to this time excitement mounts among the two families; their kinsmen, and friends and the villages in general look forward to a bright moment of gaiety and entertainment to enliven their days. Because the wedding is held at the girl's house, her family  is busiest with arrangements: renting a loudspeaker and phonograph records because no wedding is complete without continues music. hiring, in addition, live musicians to play traditional melodies for ceremonies and dancing; borrowing or renting cooking  implements, dishes tables and chairs (and sometimes hiring a special cook) for the several meals there will be offered to guests; buying decorations for the house of firings for the monks and traditional gifts for the groom's family; selecting an achaa and various wedding attendants making scores  of  ansom  cakes that are a traditional delicacy at weddings sending messengers to notify kinsmen in distant communities of the wedding date and the bride must get a new permanent and either buy elegant wedding clothes or rent a wedding costume from an old lady in a nearby village 

Although news of a prospective wedding spreads rapidly throughout and beyond the village by word-of-mouth, formal invitations to the ceremony are extended in the form of areca nuts and betel leaves (or banana leaves ) that are distributed to invited guests a few days prior to the nuptials by a family member kinsmen or friend Whether or not such an invited guest  (and his family ) who is not a close relative or friend of the bridal couple, will actually attend the ceremony depends partly on whether he has time to spare but mostly upon whether he has money to spare as a wedding gift  (cóng day ) ("joining of hands " refers also to the ritual of trying strings on somebody's wrists for good luck) This contribution ranges from about 20 to 200 Riels, depending on the closeness of kinship or friendship, and without such a gift one would feel ashamed to attend and eat at the wedding feast. A wedding will also draw numerous spectators (even from other villages) who were not specifically invited but who will come by in the evening (after the meals are finished ) to watch the festivities and give regards to the couple. 

On the wedding day itself there is a flurry of commotion in and around the bride's house as kinsmen and neighbors help to prepare food; make frantic last-minute shopping trips; put up decorations and tables, chairs, etc. 'borrow brass bowls, a gong, and other ceremonial objects; go to remind the monks that they are due at a certain hour; etc. Cloth hangings partition off a small corner of the house as the bride's chamber; and here she sits nervously (except when called forth for certain rituals ) surrounded by female relatives and friends who will help her change clothes fan her in the stifling heat of the small room and keep up a steady flow of chatter and laughter. The groom similarly sits with his attendants, kinsmen, and friends in a small bamboo and thatch shelter that has been specially built for him near the bride's house. Music begins early in the day and continues almost non-stop through the entire event  broadcasting gaiety through  the loudspeaker for kilometers around Guests. arrive in sequence to sit and talk in and around the house eating and chewing betel. 

 The ritual procedures and paraphernalia (as well as their symbolism and mythology ) of a wedding are too detailed to be described minutely although a brief account of the major parts of the ceremony ill be given. It might that weddings vary somewhat on several counts: (1) certain rituals may be included, omitted, or carried out somewhat differently according to the dictates of the  achaa in charge (2) simple weddings called  vee omit certain customary accoutrements such as a live orchestra because the family is poor and cannot afford the expense and (3) weddings are apposed  to be less elaborate for the remarriage of widow or divorcée, although in fact they are often as extravagant as those o first marriage if the family has the resources.  

Apart from the bride and groom themselves, the main actors in the wedding ritual are the following. (1) The  achaa presides over all ceremonies supervises the making  of ritual objects, and directs the participants to follow the proper procedures. (2) The  neak moha representing the groom's family, and the meba representing the bride's side, assist the achaa in seeing that the rituals are ducted correctly help to prepare ritual objects, and act as ceremonial representatives of the two sides. Theoretically the neak moha  and the meba are the intermediaries used in betrothal negotiations who new appear under new titles, but in practice they are often individuals who have been especially selected for the wedding  because of their knowledgeability in the conduct of  wedding ceremonies They should also be persons who are old of good character and  never windowed or divorced they are often kinsmen but need not necessarily be so and are equally often persons who customarily preside in these capacities (e.g., Grandmother Dom [House 20] is frequently called upon to act as a neak moha or meba for weddings in the village ). On occasion too one or another of these positions may be dispensed with or combined into one person; indeed are one wedding Ling was achaa  naek moha, and meba all rolled into one (3) Finally the bride and groom each ache two (possibly three or four)  attendants (kómdóó) who stand by during various rituals. These bridesmaids and groomsmen chosen by the couple's parents, are usually sidelines or first cousins, although close friends may also be selected . The important point is that an attendant should have both parent would augur windowing or divorce for the bridal couple.

The actual wedding rituals, taken in sequence, are the following. On  the night before the wedding there is a short ceremony  "to enter the groom's shelter"  (col rung). The achaa leads a procession composed of the groom, his attendants, relatives, friends, who carry his clothes, betel boxes, and a gong into the shelter.  Here the achaa  recites invocations; the naek moha and meba give best wishes for the marriage; offerings are made to ancestral spirits; and the achaa ties strings upon the groom's wrists for good luck. The ritual ends with the pounding of a brass gong and cheers from the spectators .

After these ceremonies are completed, the wedding bursts into merrymaking with music, dancing (The popular form of dancing, called the  lamton is said by villagers to have come from Thailand. Groups of men and women dance in a circle (one following behind another ) and step in time to the music while performing sinuous delicate movements with their arms and hands that are much simpler than, but reminiscent of, the postures of the classical dance as performed in theater and by the  "royal ballet" group. (For details of the classical dance and orchestra, see Chaufea Thiounn 1956). and often singing by the bridal attendants and younger guests (although the bride and groom themselves must maintain a solemn demeanor and can only watch the fun).  The young women delight in showing off their grace, and they are sometimes jokingly imitated and impersonated by a few young men who don garish female costumes. The older guests enjoy this entertainment while chatting with one another; and if liquor is served, some of the men will become pleasantly high. This is the part of the wedding that draws the most uninvited spectators, and the  revelry may continue well into the early morning hours entail people finally return to their homes or simply lie down to sleep on any available space, even a table top. 

The second and final day of the wedding begins extremely early for the major participants, and official ceremonies will culminate by mid-morning. Before daybreak, the yop pilié ceremony to greet the dawn is held outside the house with the achaa, the groom and often the bride, and the  neak moha and meba.   This is a short ritual with prayers of blessing by the achaa while the participants await the auspicious moment (the pilié ) when the darkness yields to a certain amount of light, and one bows to the rising sun. After the bride slips back into the house, the  achaa leads a procession of the groom and his attendants, relative, and friends to the girl's home. There the young man is greeted by his bride who ritually washes his feet and gives him a betel quid in return for a small sum of money before she retires to her chamber.

Finally, the last major ritual, the kan slaa, occurs. First the groom, then the bride (escorted by her attendants and sometimes preceded by a musician with a sword who sings and dances to traditional airs during the ceremony ), come forth to sit in front of the achaa and make obeisance to Both  bride and groom then lie semi-recumbent, holding betel leaves and the implements of betel chewing in their hands. A group of attendants, kinsmen, and friends (ideally four men and four women but often more then this ) form a circle around the couple and pass a popil (a small, metal, leaf shaped object) from hand to hand  around the circle to wish the couple good fortune. Ritual objects called pkaa slaa  ("Areca flower "), formed of stalks of coconut flowers, are then given to the spectators who break off the seeds and throw them on the couple, much as rice is thrown in western weddings (There are three pkaa slaa which, according to Porée Maspero et al  1958:56, 61 represent the father, mother, and elder sister who are important in raising children. One  pkaa slaa is kept intact and taken to the temple after the wedding so that a monk can throe the seeds on the couple ). The  achaa then ties cotton thread upon the groom's and bride's wrists for good luck, as do various other spectators. The  music, which has played continuously, becomes increasingly louder and faster through the final phases of the ritual then suddenly stops as the  achaa recites a last invocation and blessing.  The ceremony  ends (as had several other rites of the preceding day ) with the banging of the gong and the final statements of the  achaa that are echoed or answered by crowd: "Victory!",  "Victory !",  "Happiness!",  "Happiness!", "Health!",  "Health!",  "This is a good day,  is it not ?", "It is!" "What do you accept ?" "[We] accept this fine couple!" To the sound of cheers and claps, the bride rises and rushes to her chamber, followed quickly by her groom who must catch the end of her scarf as she goes (an attempt that often brings laughter from the crowd ) A few moments later the couple emerges again to receive from the achaa the mat that they had sat on during the various rituals (an act that brings jokes from the spectators because this will be the mat the couple sleeps upon) and to hear a brief lecture on marital and filial duties.

A mid-morning meal concludes the wedding so far as the the guests are concerned, and the village returns to a state of tranquility.  In the coming night the bridal couple will be allowed to sleep together for the first time (usually in the bride's house). It is traditional for the achaa and a couple of old women (kinsmen or neighbors ) to perform a small ceremony and  to inform the bride about sexual matters before the consummation, but this custom is rarely practiced nowadays.

As mentioned previously, a wedding is not only the most joyous but also one of the most expensive life cycle ceremonies. The possible expenditures (in approximate figures ) are as follows :

The bride's family can, therefore, spend anywhere from about 3,000 to 8,000 Riels on a wedding, a great sum for an or denary  household's budget. A good part of the expenses are defrayed first, by the monetary gift from the groom's family which is usually from 2,000 to 5,000 Riels;  and second, the monetary contributions of guests which may total anywhere from about 1,000 to 6,000 Riels depending on the number of guests and their generosity. If there is any money left after the wedding is paid for, it is given to the couple. As likely as not, however, a family will only break even, or may be temporarily in debt for a greater or lesser sum of money. Actually, much of the weeding is financed on short term credit or loans because, although the groom's gift is usually paid before or at the time of the wedding, the money from guests is not received until the ceremony takes place. But large scale indebtedness for weddings is not common because a family will try to fashion the ceremony to fit their financial resources, dispensing with certain items if necessary (e.g., not hiring musicians) or cutting back on others (e.g., serving simple meals). In addition to the ceremonial sanctification of a marriage, for the past thirty years or so it has become common to officially register one's marriage at the sub-district chief's office. This registration is called, using French terminology, état civil. A marriage that is not so registered would still be considered valid in the eyes of the villagers if the traditional ceremonies had been observed, and there would be no government action against a couple who were not "état civil." But a couple who had no registered themselves would have subsequent difficulties if there should ever be divorce proceedings, inheritance disputes, etc. Thus, all the village couple that have married within the past few decades have observed the état civil.