MARRIAGE

A bride and groom may be relatively young: most village girls marry in their late teens and early twenties, while young men usually wed in their early to mid-twenties. (Of the married couples in West Svay, the average age at which an individual married for the first time was 20 years of age for women and 24 for men. But some women were married as early as 15 years of age or as late as 37, while men married as early as 17 and as late as 30. Married in the teens seems to have been more common in the earlier part of the century.) And in cases where the couple go to reside in the household of one or the other spouse, the elder parents will still wield considerable authority over their married child and son-or daughter-in -law. Nonetheless, marriage marks the young man's or woman's attainment of adult status: legally, one attains majority either at the age of 21 or upon marriage (Clairon n.d.: 104); and socially, an individual now forms part of a new social unit, has responsibility for the support of oneself and others, becomes a full-fledged property owner, etc. Associated with the change in status is an alteration in behavior that can be broadly characterized as a change from relative frivolity to seriousness, from spending spending a good deal of time in lighthearted concerns to assuming all the chores and worries of maintaining a household. Even clothing and personal appearance, especially among women, reflects this modification. In contrast to the bright plumage and preening of unmarried youth, married women put cosmetics and jewelry into storage, cut their hair short and forsake permanents, and wear sober (usually black) shirts and simple, high-necked blouses. (Married women also become avid betel chewers. Adolescent girls occasionally chew betel but only as a sort of treat; it does not become a habit until after marriage. Men chew betel only infrequently.)  Married men are usually seen in black shorts for work (a sarong for leisure hours), perhaps an old shirt or undershirt, and often a battered hat. 

Although the adolescent girl usually views sexual intercourse with trepidation or fright, the married woman comes to accept it with at least resignation or equanimity, sometimes with pleasure, and often a wry humor. Actual intercourse is evidently executed very quickly and quietly with little or no foreplay and rapid male orgasm (Intercourse is usually performed with the male assuming the superior position; occasionally the man may lie beneath the woman. Other positions are unreported. ) because a couple usually sleeps in the same rooms as the other members of the household, or even with a small child under the same mosquito net. Intercourse is suspended during the woman's menstrual period and for a month or so before and after birth. 

There is a legal double standard in that a man can divorce his wife if she commits adultery, but he himself can be adulterous without invoking any legal sanctions and can, moreover, be polygynous as well. Actually, both adultery and polygon are relatively rare in village life. The former is deterred by Buddhist injunctions against immoral sexual relations, lack of money and time to frequent prostitutes in Phnom Penh, ( It might be mentioned that there are male as well as female prostitutes in the city, but male homosexuality is not practiced by villagers. In East Hamlet there are two spinsters in their forties who live "as man and wife and do not like men, only each other." It is unclear, however, whether this is an instance of true lesbianism.  ( Leclère 1898: 185 cites the old legal codes that forbid homosexual relations among palace women.) and the general inaccessibility of village women who are usually staunchly moral. And polygamy, while legally permitted, (Not only may a man take second and third rank wives (with the consent of the first wife), but additional concubines as well. For various legal statutes concerning the privileges and restrictions of different rank wives with respect to marriage ceremonies, inheritance, status of of spring, divorce settlements, etc., ) has long been limited mainly to the upper social strata and is rare among the populace at large ( see Thierry 1955:121-122, 157 for figures, also Aymonier 1900:83; Condominas 1953: 600; Zadrozny 1955: 318; Steinberg 1959:77; Clarion on nod.:51). It is especially uncommon among villagers  because most men lack resources to support more than one wife and set of offspring. A final strong obstacle to both adultery and polygyny is the fact that although men may find such relationships to be attractive, village women commonly react to a husband's philandering with at least irritation or dejection, and more usually with fierce wrath, recriminations, tears, and threats  Despite the legal primacy and privileges held by the first wife, the village woman feels that polygyny is contrary to her own and her children's best interests because they would have to share not only the husband and father's affections but his income and property as well.

It is not is not unlikely that men who leave home for temporary employment may have occasional affairs or recourse to prostitutes. For example, a man in West Svay admitted to having one lived with a women for several months while working as a cyclo driver in Phnom Penh. But he was greatly chastened by his wife's anger when he confessed his escapade to her, and by the fear that he may have contracted a venereal disease from his mistress; and he never again attempted adultery. Sometimes, too, acquiescent women might be found even in the villages; e.g., it is said that the father of at least one of the illegitimate children borne by the woman discussed in a previous section was married man living in West Svay. But from all available evidence, adultery is relatively infrequent among village men and nonexistent among married village women. 

Two village men attempted polygamy during my stay: one in West Svay itself and one in the neighboring community of Baku. In both cases the men have non-agricultural occupations ( one operates a roadside restaurant and the other is a chauffeur at the school) and are thus more affluent than ordinary villagers. Both men had met other women while traveling or visiting elsewhere and wanted to take them as second wives or concubines. And in both instances, the wives reacted immediately and vigorously with such tremendous furor that, after brief attempts to assert male authority, both men capitulated and renounced their polygamous aspirations. Neither in Svay or the neighboring villages are there any cases of polygynous marriages. 

Divorce 

and conviction to death or forced labor, (6) immoral conduct such as gambling, alcoholism, drug addiction, etc., (7) with holding of sexual privileges for over a year 

The villagers themselves cite the first, second, third, and sixth points as causes for divorce, along with "failure to respect the parents-in - law" and simple incompatibility that expresses itself in constant quarrels. Divorce is not unknown ( although not frequent) in village life. Within the past 20 years there have been four cases of divorce among West Svay inhabitants for the following reasons: an irresponsible husband who was given to gambling and drunkenness, a husband who was guilty of theft and murder while Issarak, and two cases of incompatible temperaments.

Either the husband or the wife may initiate divorce proceedings by presenting a written request to the sub-district chief that is then sent to the district office and finally to a court in Phnom Penh. It one spouse contests he divorce or there is disagreement about custody of the children or division of property, the case may have to undergo several hearings. But otherwise the final decree for divorce by mutual consent is usually obtained within a few months. 

Upon divorce, each spouse takes back whatever property he/she brought to the marriage. The common property was formerly divide into three parts with two-third going to the man and one-third to the woman; but at the present time it is split equally between the two. In many instances, objects of common property (especially non-parti items such as: a house, a rice paddy, an ox) are sold and the money divided equally between the man and woman; or one spouse will keep a piece of property and reimburse the other for one-half its value. In two instances, however, all of the common property may go to one spouse: to the wife if she has been abandoned by her husband, or to the husband if the wife has been guilty of adultery. 

Custody of offspring is decided mainly on the basis of the children's ages or their own inclinations. Villagers say that children under ten or so years of age almost always remain with the mother, while those old enough to express a definite preference may go with the parent of their choice (sometimes the father will take the older ones if the latter do not object). villagers stress that the personal preferences of the youngsters themselves are always respected, and that usually all children will elect to stay with the mother. This was true in all the cases of divorce in West Hamlet. 

The husband is legally bound to pa some sort of maintenance alimony to his ex-wife if she has not remarried and does not have adequate resources to support herself and the offspring. In village life, however , such alimony is extremely rare because the man disappears (if he has not already abandoned the family), because the ex-husband is often improvident or has little money himself, and because the divorced woman is often supported by her family of orientation or remarries within a few years. 

A divorce's (Memay) almost always returns to the household of her parents (if they are still alive) and resumes her former role as daughter. And if she is relatively young, it is highly likely that she will find another husband within a short while. (Of the three women in West Svay who have been divorced, tow remarried. In the other hamlets, however, there are several instances of divorced women living with their families of orientation.) But the older divorcee without a family to fall back upon and little prospect of remarriage often finds herself in a difficult situation unless she has sufficient land to support herself and the offspring. For example, Un (House 25), who was divorced in her late thirties and had inherited no land in West Svay because she had moved to another province after her marriage, now barely manages to subsist on a small plot of purchased land, has shelter thanks only to a sibling who moved away and left a vacant house, and must send tow of her children to live for part of the year with a married daughter. The divorced man (puémay) may also, if he is young, return to his family of orientation. But he is more likely to maintain an independent status and will either quickly find another wife or, like my landlord, lead a carefree life of bachelorhood regained. 

 Widowhood

The marriage bond is cut by widowing much more frequently that it is by divorce. The fact that widowhood it a common occurrence in village life is illustrated in a game that children and adolescents play to the cries of the gheko lizard. Similar to our playing "she loves me--she loves me not" with daisy petals, one recites" Kromom (unmarried woman)--Memay (widow)" to successive crowds of the gheko; and whichever of the two coincides with the last croak will indicate what sort of woman one will be or marry. This game also suggests that remarriage of widow (er) s is common, which is indeed the case when the widowed person is still in his/her forties or younger. The young widower) can and  often does return to his/her natal family for support. But those of older rage often do not have such a refuge because the parents have already died or are too elderly to be of much aid; and a widower is likely to be left with relatively young children who need a woman's care, while a widow finds herself in need of male labor power to work the fields. Thus, there is considerable incentive to remarry. Although a widower with children is no bargain for a young girl, there are other women--usually divorcées or spinsters in their late twenties and thirties--who are willing to undertake such marriages. Similarly, a widow with children would seem to be an unappealing match; but the fact that she may own property and /or is usufruct or of her late husband's estate can be a strong attraction for a man with little or no resources of his own. 

Upon remarriage the new spouse seems to replace the deceased mate or parent with relative ease. Although the children may be initially bewildered or wary, there is no tradition of the evil step-parent; and from all evidence a new parent comes to be accepted with at least a tolerant respect and often genuine affection.

Persons who are widowed in their late forties and fifties usually forego remarriage because their remaining years of hairiness and fertility are numbered, and because they generally have children who are old enough to provide supplementary labor power. It is common for one of the off spring to continue to reside at home after marriage and to assume (along with his/her spouse) the main burden of main tainting the household.